Funny

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’ll be poor.

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.