Do you know what, I don’t want you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious.

Four-leaf clover, make a wish. I wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkward buddy.

Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.

Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.

What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.

It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.

You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?

You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.

Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!

You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.