What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.

Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.

Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.

Four-leaf clover, make a wish. I wish you weren’t so fuckin’ awkward buddy.

Do you know what, I don’t want you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious.

Make Sure You Use That There Sunscreen ‘Cause It’s A Great Day For Hay.

Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!

You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?

…to be fair…

Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.