If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Life’s good, you should get one.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’ll be poor.

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.