If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Life’s good, you should get one.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’ll be poor.